The Little Blue Dot, Eden, Paradise. All these names can describe this mass of elements dancing around this small, yellow star. I will be calling it ‘home’. Home because I am welcomed here, home because my brothers and sisters abide here. Home because this is where I choose to live in this, my youth. I may be immeasurably old in comparison to the fleeting life forms that abound here but I am still growing, still learning, still rash and impulsive and so this is home because I choose to grow up here. And home because my spirit senses that the one I search for is here also, so my heart is here. She has thus far eluded me but I know I will find her here. For now I have surrendered myself to this planet, to this mother, to allow her to mould me as she will. She sings to me continually and the life forms on her serenade me, urging me to take a leap of faith and join them and experience this thing they call life.
This may be home but it is still strange to me, I am not yet used to the elements joining together to form cells. The tiny size of them makes me afraid, afraid of diminishing further. My fear holds me back from joining them fully and I roam the planet in my familiar form, a dark shadow across this beautiful expanse of blue and green. I find others like me, my brothers, and I join with them and together we roam across the surface. We cross the land and as we do we change it, we repel the light waters and leave bare earth behind us. Mother chides us and urges us to work with the light waters, to work with all the elements, for that is what we are, we are elementals.
And so we learn to work with our sisters and brothers both light and dark and under mother’s guidance we transform her face and her core. We sweep through the seas, herding the waters into distinct areas, leaving behind bare earth where Mother allows it. Under her guidance we create a habitat on the bare earth, encouraging the creatures in the life-giving seas to venture out and bask in the warmth of their Father’s light. Soon the bare earth is covered with green creatures, Mother calls them plants, and then other creatures emerge from the seas, taking shelter and sustenance from the plants. Mother gives names to them all, insect, bird, animal… I cannot tell the difference but she assures me that they are. For now I shall call them plants and not-plants until I have learned Mother’s wisdom and can distinguish them better. She laughs at me and tells me to use my eyes, to see the creatures and to see their differences, she tells me that even the plants are not just plants, that there is just as great diversity within them. I am eager to please Mother by learning the lessons she wants to teach so I take time away from my brothers and just sit and watch the passing of time and the evolution of the creatures that are born and die upon her. Yes, I learn of death. The physical form is constantly changing as the spirit within outgrows the form. The spirit separates from its physical shell which returns to Mother to be used again by other creatures, as food or as shelter until we, the elements, strip away the components to their raw base and scatter them on our sister, Air. Without realising it I have become a part of the machinations of Mother, part of the ground team that recycle and replenish. I am content with my role and do it with vigour, sometimes a little too vigorously and I am chided for causing chaos by returning the physical forms to elements before their time has run its course. Mother calls me her natural disaster, not in malice but in love. She tells me it is good for her children to know uncertainty, to know fear. This shocks me but I gradually begin to understand. Without adversity her children become complacent and just revel in life rather than seeking out learning, their purpose for being. I realise that I too must learn and grow, I cannot just play with the seas, goading them into covering the earth now and then, or gathering the clouds together with brother Air and holding them until they cover vast areas and cannot hold their water any longer, guiding them then to areas of land and watching with glee as they pour their contents across a saturated earth, laughing as the flood waters rise and carry off plant and animal alike, returning them, dead, to the seas from which they first came. I remember also why I came to this place, I remember I am searching. I didn’t forget her, but without being able to find her and having so much to do for Mother to gain, I thought, her love, that I found I had no time to search.
Mother tells me she loves me anyway and that I should not have left it so long to find my other half. She urges me to take time for myself to search and so I do. I take leave of my brothers and set out across the face of Mother again, her song to me one of encouragement and constancy. I spend time coursing through the rivers that weave through the lands. She is not in any of them, nor is she on any of the land. I head for the oceans, skimming across the surface like fog. I venture down into the depths of the ocean and search and search and search. I had not realised how vast the oceans were, and this one was the smallest of them all. I do not find her so I cross land again until I reach the shores of the next ocean and again I skim the surface and then venture deeper. Eventually I find her but she is too busy fleeing from a predator fish to notice me. The predator catches her, tearing her in half and I call out in horror as I see her flesh falling apart and being devoured. But then I sense her spirit, it flows around me and I hear her laughing. I sense her spirit lunge into the giant fish that just ended her life and see her take up a new form, a tiny cell within this vast creature, a tiny cell that is growing and dividing and becoming something new, a new form of life within the one that took her life from her. I have just witnessed the miracle of reincarnation, the process of dying, becoming spirit and becoming flesh once more. I follow this giant mother fish but she is aware of me, senses my destructive nature and flees, faster than I can move and so I lose sight of her. I feel the pain of loss most keenly again and I float aimlessly through the vast ocean, creatures fleeing before me without being noticed. I unleash my pain on the surrounding waters and they rise up against me, heaving me across the expanse before depositing me quite unceremoniously on a distant shore. I lay on the sands in a daze, I have just felt the full force of the elementals of Light water, they would not allow me to take out my anger and sorrow on their creatures and so have left me to Mother. Her spirit embraces me and in time my sorrow and anger subsides. I realise I have found her despite the vast size of the Universe, that this planet was minuscule in comparison, that I would find her again, it would just take patience and perseverance, things I now realised I had in abundance if I just tapped into them. I sense Mother smiling at my realisation and my spirit lightens. I even find myself enjoying the heat of Father’s touch. They both speak to me now, talking of how I could become flesh and find her without repulsing other creatures with fear of my true self. My fear of diminishing becomes insignificant next to my need to find her again. My next adventure awaits me, an adventure to come together with other elements to form a body of flesh, to take the form of a living creature finally.