I’ve just been having a bizarre 4-way conversation that could well have been a 3 or 2 way conversation, possibly even 1 way.. though I am fairly certain that the conversation was being held by three real people, one playing a fourth. I have a multiple personality problem.. not a disorder, just a problem. You see for many years I have been playing role playing games. D&D, WoW, GW, VTM bloodlines. I am a creative person and so I create many different characters to play in these games. One of them is now so real and been around for such a long time that she feels a twin sister and indeed has her own social media accounts. I have different faces for different seasons, different faces for different characters. They range from magicians to warriors to Ventrue to trees… yes, trees. I would like to try my hand at being a Malkavian though I fear the insanity of that bloodline of vampires in VTM might infect my mind and cause me to lose my last remaining grip on sanity. I’ve also often wanted to try out Call of Cthulhu, ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn…see? I already have the cultist language ready for that one and would like to see an Old One rise from his sleep in deepest R’lyeh. Am I mad already? I think not, I think just creative, quirky, maybe even a little foxy, but not mad, no, definitely not mad. Though my friends might disagree albeit in the nicest possible sense of the word mad.
Anyway it got me to thinking about humans in general. We all put on different faces for different parts of our life so am I any different really? Are we not all just displaying a form of insanity by not being ourselves no matter what situation we face, be it work, or home, or playtime. How many ladies put a full face of make-up on before they leave their house to go to work or to go out with friends? How many men leave the house without shaving or trimming a beard or making sure their tie is neat and tidy? We all have a façade that masks what we dream we could be, hides our real selves from the world, we’ll have our armour that we put on when preparing to do battle with our rivals and enemies be it in the office or the supermarket.
So I paint on virtual façades and face virtual enemies, I occasionally put on make-up to go out, I wouldn’t dream of leaving the house in my PJ’s, I put a smile on my face to watch the telly with my dad. They are all fake to a point are they not? No one actually sees what lies behind my eyes in the deepest chasm of my mind. I don’t always know who I am when I face myself in a mirror.. I’m older and have a few wrinkles around my eyes which are not ‘me’ they are ‘me’ as an older person. Inside I am still a child, a teen, a young adult but my face shows the years in real time. Inside, my soul is a time traveller, ageless and eternal. There was a time when I was more normal, I would put on my uniform and join the ranks so to speak, but always there has been me and me. I wonder if there are any actors on this stage of the Earth. playing a part in this show called Life, that are really being just themselves.
(screenshots of World of Warcraft, my own character from when I played)