Hi! Come in! I was just about to make a new character but I guess I have time to chat but I have a raid in an hour so I can’t talk longer than that. Unless you wanted to watch me pwning uber bosses. I see you have no clue what I am talking about do you. Well, by the end of this I hope you will and I bet you will go out and buy every MMO you can lay your hands on, unless you turn out to be an FPS kinda guy… In which case you may as well just turn around now and go home. What do you mean you thought our date was going to be at the cinema? You thought I’d agreed to see Die Hard With a Zimmer? What planet are YOU on? Now as much as I adore Mr Willis I never ever play guys, I always play girl characters so there’s no way I would have said I’d play Bruce. Oh come on, it’s gonna be fun anyway, grab yourself a beer and some munchies.
You got beer and chips, awesome! Now, come and sit beside me and watch the screen, here we go, I just have time to make a new character on this old game here and give her a back story then get her to level 5 and maybe upgrade her gear then I have to get on to this one right here and I’m gonna be the main DPS for this raid so I can’t be late for that one.
Now this is an old game but I can have as many characters as I want with no restrictions so I love just hanging out here making shit up about them before I do the real stuff. Do you want to help me make a character? I swear its the most fun ever! You can pick how you look, colour the hair and eyes, put tattoos on, change the colours of those, choose your armour and weapons and what class you’re gonna be. So.. let’s just login aaand…. character creation and there we go! Isn’t this fun! Now what race should I make? Elf? You are kidding me.. only boys play girl elves but then you ARE a boy so I guess I can let you off that one, noobsauce. Alright, let’s make a dwarf, let’s make her fat and yeah she has to have a beard.. everyone knows girl dwarves have beards. What do you think? Plaits or braids? No you can’t put the football on, come back here and have some real fun.
Alrighty then we..aaaaare…almost…DONE! Doesn’t she look fierce? Way better than the elf chick you wanted all namby pamby in her floaty skirt and chain mail bra. Stoneform at level 1 is worth a lot more than Dark Vision.. I mean come on, everyone knows blind fight solves that issue and plenty in spot and search has it all covered. Now…what should we call her? Damnit, I can’t think of a really fierce dwarven name for her, gonna have to use a name generator but we can have fun making up her back story.
(Thirty minutes later)
OK we’re ready to kick some ASSSSSS! So let’s see we have rats….rats……rat on its own….rats….kobold!! That’s the one we want, they drop armour and weapons and gold.
(5 minutes later)
We kicked serious BUTT there! and we got to level 2 and we have some gold and a dagger and a pair of gloves. Now these are sweet for this level but when we go raiding you’re gonna see some real shit dropping I mean we’ll see blues and purples and maybe even orange and those are Legendary shit. Do you want to have a go? You sure you can handle her? yep, yeah that’s the controls and that’s what you click to kick ass. Off you go then and let’s get to level 3 and we only have 20 minutes til I gotta head over to the raid, let’s see if you can get Brunnhilde to level 5 on your own…
“What? wait no, I am soo close to level 5 I can’t stop now, no, no, give me the mouse, give me the MOUSE!! I’ll just kill this ogre and then you can head over to your raid, ok?”